7-21-12

"I decided that today would be the day to experience what it was like to be on the dark side during the day. I took my umbrella just in case (and also to prove that I can do pretty much anything with an umbrella; it's like an extra-large multi-tool.

I hit the mansion. That's what I did. I whacked everything with my umbrella until it magically disappeared in rainbows and starfish and sunshine. I decided to stop after destroying the stairs because I realized that there's no point to destroying the place if I couldn't get to the other floors.

All I left was a couple chairs and a table. And some crumbs. I was eating some crackers while I was there. Yum.

I decided that in order not to get in trouble, I would scratch up something completely unreadable on the walls to make it look like gangsters did it. And that I did. It kind of looks like a goldfish, though. A very fat goldfish."

7-10-12

"I had a not-so relaxing relaxation couple-weeks. It involved breaking into somebody's house on the side of the mountain. It's pretty cool the way it's build. Everything's so sideways. Well. It was cool. It was cool until I kind of opened the garage and everything slid down the mountain. Oh, joy.

"I ran out of food. I needed food. Food can probably be spotted from high areas (as does everything except higher areas), so I decided that it was time to trek up the mountain.

"I walked about four steps before saying 'Screw this noise' and ended up nuking the entire mountain as an excuse meaning 'this does not make a proper vacation area.' "

6-20-12

"I decided to try out a night mission this time. I took an umbrella with me just in case. In fact, it was a rainy day in Sardinia. It was dusk at the time I started. I grabbed a power-drill from my belt to dig a hole through the ground. After I was in about 5 feet deep, I made a 90 degree turn towards the wall and drilled into it. I wasn't very accurate; when I busted through the wall, I fell for another ten feet. Gee, way to go imaginary GPS, telling me that their basement was only five feet high. I guess GPSs aren't really supposed to be used that way. Anyways, after I was in, I grabbed a shelf and used it like a ladder to climb my way towards the ceiling. I used my telescope to break a hole in the ceiling of the basement and looked into it. It wasn't very exciting, until some stupid rock fell onto the telescope. Rendering the telescope useless, I just watched the theft for a while until I got bored and went home."

6-18-12

"I decided to look into the whole 'wolf' thing again. While flying (I'm a secret agent, I can fly, okay?), I noticed that the were wolves moved their camp. This pissed me off, because my imaginary GPS told me that their camp was somewhere else, so I decided to drop in, kick all of their arses, then call a stork to carry everything over to where my GPS told me they would be. The stork didn't want to do it at first, but then I successfully persuaded it to do the job by giving it a shiny green screwdriver I randomly found on the ground that just happened to be nearby. All in all, it ended up pretty well."

6-18-12

"While out on my daily walk in the forest, I noticed something strange in the forest. I spied from a tree (I'm a ninja like that, journal, okay?) a large group of super buff guys and girls. I felt a little stalkerish and checked my location on Google Maps. But because it's Google, and Google messes up sometimes, it told me I was in Antarctica. Because my imaginary iPhone is imaginary, I decided not to trust Google Maps this time. So anyways, it didn't take long for some little boy to come along and start getting chased by the entire, uh. Tribe. They left their camp unguarded. I dropped down from the tree and made out with their files like a leaf (LIEK A BAWSS)."